ART BLOG - 'BY MY OWN'
I've been told, by one of the people who brought me up, known as my mother, that when I was very young, instead of saying 'on my own, or 'by myself', I used to say 'by my own'.
Its the story of my life - I've been on my own, most of the time, throughout my life - in my flats or rooms, in public, in private ... virtually always just all by myself.
Its partly because someone impersonates me.
I've had lots of evidence of this - people keep saying to me that they think I've been in places that I haven't, been doing things I haven't, and I routinely get inappropriate responses from people. I'm certain that there is either a twin or a look-alike, who deliberately goes to places I go to, as well as other places, impersonating me, routinely behaving badly, and people think she's me, falsely.
The result is that well-meaning people are put off me, and avoid me, generally, wherever possible. The only people generally who want to be friends with me are fake friends, who lie both to me and about me to others. Sometimes I've been friends with them, but eventually the friendship fails, and I'm, as usual, alone.
By and large, I've got used to it. I make tea for one (me); cook for one (me); do my art for me, and hardly speak to anyone about it; go for walks by myself; and do my shopping by myself.
In some ways, there are advantages, to almost always being alone, although I do like to do things with people, and I don't want to be a loner. But if I had friends, they might be annoying; if I had visitors, they might look disdainfully because I haven't decorated; if I had a proper social life, it might be tiring.
In a lot of ways, I like my life: I like my little flat; I look at my art and other people's art; I enjoy - not so much cooking - but eating the results of my cookery; I read; and I tell (silently) God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit my issues, and then listen silently in meditation, for peace.
I do go to events sometimes - I go by myself, and come back by myself, but most of the time I'm in my small home by myself.
I don't think people understand all this. I think lots of people tell massive lies about me, which hide the truth, that I'm single, heterosexual, I've never been married, and I live alone.
I think in God's timing, God will break down the wall of silence surrounding me, and let me join the rest of the world in society. In the meantime, its usally very peaceful in my flat.
Left: 'Breath' Copyright Julia Wilkinson. 2019.
'Mashiach' Copyright Julia Wilkinson. 2019.
All rights reserved copyright Julia Wilkinson 2020.